Early in the history of Bottom of the stream we decided that we didn't want to review films in the traditional sense. We don't consider ourselves reviewers or critics. We watch these films in the interest of starting a discussion about them. Bottom of the stream is more like a book club for film lovers than it is a movie review show. In light of this we decided that we didn't want to give out star or numerical ratings. So we decided what we do is place each film into a league table where they would compete against each other. Every week towards the end of the show we discuss where we think that weeks films should go on the STREAM TABLE. At the end of the season (25 shows) the table is finalised and we have a winner followed by a further 24 films ranked in order.
A deaf author is terrorised by a masked assailant in her isolated home. Genuinely suspenseful and anchored by a strong female character up against a terrific villain. Katie Seigel gives a great performance in the lead role. An inventive take on a tired (see He’s Out There) genre.
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2. ANIMAL WORLD
Rock, Paper, Scissors, the movie! Seriously, a guy enters an underground rock, paper, scissors tournament in order to try and pay off his debts to a crime syndicate. Bonkers fun and inventive Chinese action movie in which Michael Douglas inexplicably appears.
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3. WHAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE
A vacation in the country goes wrong for a newly married couple when one of them reveals secrets from her past. Sounds cliché enough but this movie has the most jaw-dropping moment we have seen on the podcast. Yes is runs 10 minute too long but this is a gripping revenge thriller with excellent performances throughout.
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4. THE ENDLESS
Mind-bending, low-budget sci-fi in which two brothers return to visit the alien death cult that rescued them from the roadside in their younger days. Obviously, all is not what it seems, can the duo escape for a second time, and what exactly is the death cult hiding? This one will stick in your head for days.
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5. THE MAN WHO KILLED HITLER AND THEN THE BIGFOOT
Despite the gonzo title, this is a sweet film about lost love, anchored by a terrific performance by Sam Elliott, for which he won a BOTScar, as the movie’s hero trying to come to terms with his deeds in the Second World War. Also, he has to kill the Bigfoot.
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6. HANDSOME: A NETFLIX MYSTERY MOVIE
Jeff Garlin brings his laconic comedy stylings straight from Curb Your Enthusiasm to this self-penned movie where he plays Gene Handsome, an LA detective on the trail of a killer in the home of a movie star, unfortunately for Gene, his colleagues are either inept (Amy Sedaris) or sex-crazed (a terrific Natasha Lyonne).
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7. THE BABYSITTER
Fun, gory comedy slasher flick where a naïve schoolkid has to evade and defeat his devil worshipping babysitter and her friends. Manages to be creative, creepy and funny, pretty amazing for a McG movie! A sequel should appear on Netflix in 2020.
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8. MICHAEL INSIDE
Grim and grainy but worthy Irish prison movie, this one pulls no punches and features a couple of great performances. It tells the story of a young man struggling to escape the grip of a crime ridden, gang-run council estate and ruminates on the question of if our upbringing sets our destiny in life, regardless of the choices that we make.
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9. OFFICE UPRISING
Dumb but fun adventure that sees a horde of energy drink influenced zombies wreaking havoc in an office building as one man seeks to escape with his life and the woman that he loves. Everyone is camping it up in this one, an easy watch.
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10. THE NIGHT EATS THE WORLD
A lo-fi French treat, a zombie movie from the perspective of one man stuck in his apartment block in Paris, surrounded by the undead. As he begins to unravel he weighs up the decision as to whether to stay safe, alone in his building or to risk entering out into what is left of the world.
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11. MIRACLE MILE
Straight outta the 1980s, Miracle Mile has possibly the biggest tonal shift of any movie in history. For 20 minutes this is a light, breezy, funny rom-com and then abruptly turns into an end of the world, race against time nuclear thriller. A memorable ride for sure.
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So bad its nearly good heist movie where an almost retired cop (Nicolas Cage) and his soon to be son-in law partake in a 90 minute gun battle against the heavily armed bank robbers in a small town setting. Cage is fun but everyone else in this is woeful, which make this an interesting experience, laugh at it, not with it.
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13. BURNING SANDS
A visceral experience that we found difficult to place in the Stream Table, this is a movie with great performances, telling the story of a group of pledges seeking to join a fraternity at university and the hazing rituals that they have to go through to get there. This is a good movie but is a difficult watch, and we both struggled to say that we enjoyed the experience.
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14. EMO THE MUSICAL
Tiny budget, good tunes in this tongue in cheek Australian movie. An emo teen is trying to make an impact at his new school, its Romeo and Juliet but with Emos and Christians, culminating with a battle of the bands. Plenty of charm on display in this one.
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15. CHRISTMAS BREAK-IN
Festive frolics in this bang average Home Alone rip-off where a young girl is left to fend for herself against a posse of bumbling crooks in her school after everyone else has gone home. Could have been fun, wasn’t. Denise Richards pops up out of the wilderness and what the hell is Danny Glover doing slumming it here?
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16. THE LAST LAUGH
Inoffensive, bordering on bland, road trip comedy starring Richard Dreyfuss as a comedian on one last tour with his manager, played by Chevy Chase. Its no Grumpy Old Men and isn’t as charming as it wants to be but raises a couple of smirks in its runtime.
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17. THE REZORT
Zombie movie with a decent germ of an idea – basically Jurassic Park with the undead instead of dinosaurs – but no budget. There are some inventive moments here but it’s a bit of a slog at times, a poor script but acted with decent gusto.
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18. THE SUPER
Val Kilmer (remember him?) plays a creepy janitor in a haunted New York Apartment block, unsurprisingly, tenants start to go missing, who is behind the creepy goings on? Bizarrely the whole movie seems to have been redubbed. Its all standard fare until a couple of twists late in the game that are so ridiculous and out there that you have to give the movie a few points for trying something different!
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19. HE'S OUT THERE
Downright unpleasant slasher flick where an unidentified killer stalks a family ensconced in their picturesque holiday home. Paper-thin characters and a non-sensical plot take you out of this one quickly. Not inventive and a couple of inadvertent laughs thrown in for good measure. Nick would have turned this one off if he was allowed to!
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20. THE CLAPPER
The star power (Ed Helms; Amanda Seyfried; Tracy Morgan) cant rescue the material here. Helms plays Eddie, a professional audience member for TV infomercials who unwittingly becomes famous. Simultaneously it tells the story of Eddie trying to win over the love of his life, Judy (Seyfried). Dull; unfunny and at times uncomfortable, but our episode is ace!
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A plodding, TV movie of the week, style affair in which a clinical psychiatrist (get it?!) helps a disfigured man remember what happened on the night his daughter died. But what’s this? Surprising links to her own past abound? Unbelievable twist after twist? Its all here long after you have stopped caring.
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22. BLACK WATER
Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like a baked potato with the mumps in this po-faced action movie. The high concept – framed black ops agent must escape from a submarine prison is let down by terrible acting; boring action (Van Damme cant pull off those moves anymore) and cardboard sets. The 10 minutes for which Dolph Lundgren turns up are the highlight of this mess.
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23. THE ANOMALY
“Might be the worst movie I have ever seen” – Adam. Fellow Brit Noel Clarke stars and directs a sci-fi implosion of a movie in which the main character must save the day despite only being able to regain consciousness for a few minutes at a time when his body is otherwise inhabited by a deranged scientist bent on world domination.
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24. SMALL CRIMES
Plodding crime drama that sees Nikolaj Coster-Waldau take a break from Game of Thrones to play a corrupt cop newly released from prison trying to repair the trust within his family whilst struggling to escape his debts to his superiors and the crime family that runs the town. There is a nastiness to this that Adam and Nick didn’t enjoy and the characters within are thoroughly unlikeable.
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25. BUSTER'S MAL HEART
Incomprehensible mess starring a pre-fame Rami Malek. A non-linear telling of Busters life, from hotelier to adrift on the ocean to mountain man. Or is it? Is anything real? Also the world may be about to end. Or not. A hot hot mess.
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